| Such Emotion. | 4:17 p.m. 04.10.03 |
Well, well, well. Here I am again :). So yesterday, I went on and on about Derek. Today, I think he's quite an ass. It's funny how I thought he was this TERRIFIC guy, when now I realize that he really wasn't EVER that great. Sure, he was fun to be around. But really, did he actually want a relationship? I doubt it. Was he there for me when my cousin died? No. Didn't he always want to fuck me? Mhm. Anyhow, so I find out from his sister that his ex's child IS ALSO HIS. It didn't hit me at first, but then it hit me.. he lied about the whole thing. God knows what the fuck ELSE he lied about. But frankly, I don't really care anymore :). Yesterday, I felt like I wanted to talk to him more.. but now, fuck that. I don't need/want him anymore. He does have quite a few problems, and that is because his mother didn't really raise him. And I can understand that, but he didn't have to treat me like shit, like I didn't matter :). Cause I realize as days go by, I am IMPORTANT. I can make something of myself.. I can do ANYTHING if I really wanted to. And I am happy with that. :) In psychology today, my teacher says, "it is UNHEALTHY to say I'm nothing without you." And you know what, I'm everything without him :). So uh, I hope you have a happy life, working at the local mall all your life, Derek.. as I'm making something important of myself :). I don't mean to sound all bitchy, but I know in my heart I can make it. And I know how much he treated me like shit, and I don't deserve that kind of shit :).
Anyhow, enough of that stuff. So I got my pictures back from the trip. Wow, I look like shit in a lot of them.. I look so WHITE. Ahh it's lovely being tan. I swear to you, I look SO much better when I'm tan. So I keep putting my hair up this week, and Lily says: "uh how do I want to say this.. I don't want to say beautiful cause you may think I'm weird. But I think you look much uh.. better with your hair up." Hahah Lily, you're so funny. And yes, I realized that too.. I think it looks better with it up too. Or maybe that's cause it was ALWAYS down and "styled" in the same way everyday. But yea, I've been looking better this week, I must say :">.
w00t, 7 more days til my birthday :D!! Ahh I'm kinda excited.. I don't really know why but ok. I'm not even sure what I'm gonna do on my birthday. But I'm going to the casino but I may do that on Friday night, instead of Thursday night. So perhaps I'll go see Nick and Jessica on my birthday or something :). I should call that boy tonight.. since Allison wants me to ask him to prom =. I DO want to go but.. I'm gonna feel silly asking him :">. But I DO want to go to prom.. and I need to do it quick before it's too late. Let's just hope I won't chicken out :O. Hmm I should go outside, it's so nice out.. but I'm quite tired today.
-[Aim-e]-
